Can't Even Handle Orientation

Let's set the scene... During summer orientation, incoming freshmen have the chance to get acclimated to campus life. Evening activities are planned for the students, and typically include a slip-n-slide, tug o' war, Twister, etc. Alcohol is strictly prohibited since we are a dry campus. Now for the good stuff...

Freshman male gets completely drunk during his visit to campus for orientation. So drunk, in fact, that he is sitting in the middle of the parking lot crying out for his mommy. The next morning, the Dean of Students is forced to go wake him up because he missed registering for classes. The Dean of Students finds the student curled up in the fetal position on his Superman sleeping bag. The Dean of Students has to return to the student's room two more times to try and wake him up. After the third attempt, the Vice President of Student Life then goes and forces the student out of bed. Later on that afternoon, a few staff members see the student sitting on a bench with his head between his knees. After asking him how he was doing, the student replies, "I should have gone to community college."